Thursday, January 15, 2009

My heart has been hurting

Here lately my heart has hurt so much and I have just cried for these people, I don't know if I've been crying too much because I am pregnant and very emotional or it really just breaks my heart, I'm sure its both. About a month ago a couple from our church lost there baby, she was scheduled to go in for a c-section on a Wednesday and went to the doctor Monday to find out the baby didn't make it, the cord was wrapped around his neck twice and feet once and it was there first little boy, she has two older girls, and once I found out it broke my heart, I didn't know them very well because they are new in our church, but the thought of the pain and hurt she was going through hurt me, they were in church the following Sunday and I just started crying just looking at her, I wanted to go tell her we were praying for them but I couldn't because I was way too emotional and she didn't need some crazy emotional girl coming up to her crying her eyes out when she was the one with the hurt and pain....I had no words....what do you say?......Two weeks later I found out a friend of mine lost her baby the day after Christmas, she went in for her check up to see if she had dilated any and they found no heart beat, this one really got to me, Katye is my age and it was there first pregnancy and it just tore me up really bad, I cried all day and I cried at night before bed, I just didn't understand why all of this was going on and I know the Lord is in control and He works in everything, but it made me question and wonder why....I guess that is just human, but it still hurts....I realized on March 4, 2008 (when drew was born) that being a mommy is the best thing in the world and when your child is in pain you're pain and you want it to be you and not them but sometimes it just doesn't work that way....I look at Drew every day and thank the Lord for him, he is such a blessing and the Lord has blessed Andy and I more than I could ever describe. We are having a little girl, Avery, in May and I cant wait to meet her! Having a baby changes you, not just your schedule, but you. Babies depend on us so much, we are the ones to provide for them and they are wonderful gifts from God and some babies make it and some don't, but as a Christian I believe the ones that don't make it we will see one day. I told Katye that I will see Scout in Heaven one day...I know right now he is playing and giggling and he is a true angel....please pray for them, that the Lord will continue to comfort them and wrap His loving arms around them...

-be blessed-


Lauren said...

You have an empathetic heart, and I'm sure your friends that are hurting feel comforted just by knowing you care so much.

I think losing a child would be the hardest thing to ever deal with, but God's grace is amazing and His timing is perfect all the time.

I'm looking forward to seeing sweet Avery when she is born!!

Martha said...

Michelle...I completely understand what you are saying! I have done the same thing before and I know it's because when you are in the same place that the other parent is, you can imagine yourself in their place and you can feel how much pain they would feel. You're right that a baby really changes everything...not only what you do or your schedule, but who you are. I will be praying for those families.

OH, and YAY that you are having a girl! What a sweet name:)

Stacy Gibbs said...

I know girl! My heart has been hurting so bad for her too! Our feeble minds can not fully understand God's perfect will, but I trust that His grace and love will comfort her in this time.

I'm so happy you posted! Also, I hope you win my giveaway! That would be fun..Avery is going to bombarded with Aunt Stacy's creations! :)

Love you and I can't wait until our Mom's Night Out! :)

Betsy Ann said...

Praying, girl.